my eyes are red and itchy...

during the past month or so, i've had no fewer than five people tell me that they didn't really know me. so i've decided to make it easy for them. here are the two things that anyone needs to know in order to understand the reasoning behind most of my social interactions.

1. i say awful and frequently inappropriate things for comedic effect whether i believe them or not. i feel that constantly providing disclaimers and "just kidding" takes away from the funny factor and i'm not one for regularly explaining myself.

2. i'm not tough. this is probably the thing that has caused me the most trouble since i've gotten back to dc in april. please do not confuse (over the top) self-confidence with cold-heartedness.


there is only so much you can know about a person if you only see them on weekends or in a chemically-induced stupor. but for goodness sake, if there is something you want to know - just ask me. i'm obviously quite open about most things since i post practically all my business on here. i would actually relish the opportunity to have someone be genuinely interested in me.

unfortunately, i've made very bad decisions in who i choose to hang out with. i've moved from self-absorbed, aloof people to self-absorbed, flaky people to people who can't even remember what they did last weekend. i seriously fear that this summer has turned me into a bitter person, when i had just recently fully recovered from the disillusionment of a serious relationship gone sour.

whining and complaining really piss me off - and yet, what am i doing right now? i've had a bad fucking week and i think i deserve a few moments to bitch. i'm back at square one in many arenas.

do you know what would really help? instead of just reading this and becoming a faceless number on my blog counter, why don't you talk to me? call me to talk about nothing. it would make me feel a whole lot better and it would be very comforting to have someone do something small and nice for me without expecting anything in return.



p.s. i will give a disclaimer on this. there are a handful of people who have always been there to listen and always make me feel better; some of them i've known for years and others i've just recently met. i immensely appreciate these people and when i say that you're a star, i totally mean it. thank you.