over and over and over again...

i'm doing bad things again...

lately, i've been feeling tremendously nostalgic for a certain person that came into my life last year. he was a completely selfish asshole toward the end, but for some reason i can only remember the good parts:

listening to records in his bedroom - misfits, my favorite morissey whiny crap, war and moog bach.

laying upside down on his bed, watching late-night infomercials until the presenters' facial features miraculously switched, causing their mouths to appear as eyes and vice versa.

sunday morning serenades of frou frou songs and st. etienne's "sylvie".

endless giggles and japanese zombie movies, homemade biscotti and many, many cups of green tea.

i've just been missing that kid so much and feeling awful about how things ended. i know that my going to london played a huge part in our parting ways, but i don't regret going in the least. it was something that i'd always wanted to do and i'm immensely proud of myself for going even though i didn't have a job and didn't know a soul there.


speaking of moving to strange cities alone, it seems as though i might be making my new york exodus alone now. i'm not all that worried about the prospect of discovering another new city on my own, but i am incredibly sad that i might not be able to share it with the person i wanted to. it won't be the same without her. but at this point in my life, i can't see any good reason to compromise this goal - i've wanted to live in new york for a very long time and now it's finally becoming a possibility for me. i'm going.

so despite all this sadness and disappointment and heart-wrenching nostalgia, i am looking forward to a lovely saturday with my family at a grown-up celebration for one of our friends who finally received his masters. and later tonight, i'm going to get stupid at another party with my new favorite fellas dxs and the bonapartes. it's a holiday weekend - no work on monday and i'll pretty much have the house to myself. so there are good things going on, i just wish that i still had last summer's boy and my cali-bound friend to share it with...